letter to my abuser

To my abuser, Also to the one that died yet raped me for years...
because you have decided to try and add me on facebook, I thought it necessary to get a few things out in the open. I have tried around family to pretend I am ok, what you did to me as a child was wrong on so may levels. You terrorized me traumatized me and tried your hardest to destroy me a little at a time which I am sad to say you gained great success at. I do however have a few questions, I need answers to I think you at least owe me that much. If you don't answer I will understand and eventually get past it someday, and I will not mention your names here because you are family members and I have many of your family members on my facebook as well, they may or may not know what a monster you all are. I am sure when they read what I have to say it won't be hard to figure out.

1. To my aunt... What made you think it was ok to “french kiss a 6 year old and touch me inappropriately?
2. To her son why did you choose me to fondle, rape, and do sadistic things to me that I can't even mention here?
3. To the one that died... I hope you see this from hell which is where you belong... Why did you rape me then decide it was better to threaten to kill my daddy, and everyone who cared for me? At your funeral I did find out I was not your only victim, yet your family read your eulogy and put you on a pedestal? How was that fair?

I just really don't understand you, you were my family you were supposed to protect me, a child yet you tore me down to nothing. I still have nightmares and flash backs. Some days my husband can't touch me, someday even people who try hard to love me and care for me can't because I can't believe them. Even my children have suffered because of what you did, I have been so low all I want to do is sleep and never wake up, I have a drug problem which I am working on a little at a time,but that started because it was easier to pop a pill rather than deal with the pain. I even tried to kill myself which I now see was a weakness on my part that means you win.

Yes I feel abandoned my “most” of my family because you called me a lair about several things, and tried to tell me get over it. Well let me tell you I don't have to get over it I was abused and thrown away like trash. Its taken me years to write this. I know I am supposed to forgive you, but rest assured I have not made it to that point yet. I may never get to that point. In fact if I could I would inflict pain on you endlessly as long as I could just to make you feel one ounce of what I live every day. I could go into further details but they would be way to graphic for facebook.

To my family that is reading this, if you went thru what I did and “got over it” good for you. I am not you. I am not strong. I am hurt. So don't tell me how to feel. To the ones that know said family and who I am talking about hate me if you will, and I am sorry for you if this causes you pain that isn't my intention.