After much thinking, I may try to go back to work after 6 long years. I have an incurable illness, I am very sick truth be told. Laying here in this bed or in my house being neglectful of what I can still do is not getting me anywhere. Lying around waiting to die is depressing. Part of me would like to get my disability, while in my heart I know if I could just get a job where I feel worthy and needed it would help me.
I did a lot of volunteer work for a while with Girl scouts, and quit doing that because of all the drama among the parents. I was good at it, and most of the kids loved me. I truly enjoyed my time there. I know I can’t go back into the health care field again due to my lupus. I think I would be better suited working with children/teens.
I know this year coming is going to be a hard one because my Stacy is grown now, she will be graduating in May, and is getting married in June. I suspect grandchildren will follow in the next few years. I want to be here for that.
I have spent most of my life wishing that I didn’t have to live because of my past, my mistakes, and mental pain. Now that I know I will not live forever. I want to live. It is really ironic isn’t it.
I am not sure where these thoughts will lead me. I just don’t want to be counted out just yet. I think I have a lot to give.
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