I have worked so hard to get to the point I am at, does it really even make a fucking difference. To everyone around here I am never good enough or I am a liar. I struggled with addiction most of my life and when I am clean hearing I am high or hearing because I take my prescribed meds I am a druggie. I am so sick of this shit. It isn’t like its an easy battle to win, I may never have complete victory over it. I am trying but trying is harder to do when family is right at your face knocking you down every chance that they get.
I have a very painful illness I need medication which I don’t even take most of the time. Then there are certain people ALWAYS saying I am wrong about one thing or another. If I said the sky was blue they would swear its purple. I am so sick of all this nonsense I cant even have peace in my own damn house anymore.
Forget about telling rocky shit every time I try he bends and twist my words to make me be the bad person as usual. I cant even be me around him anymore, if im in so much pain I cant move well suck it up cause that’s what the almighty rocky would do.
Every chance joe gets he insults me. Something simple as mowing grass :your not doing it right” or even if he pays a bill we never hear the end of it. And its killing mine and stacys relationship. When I say I feel like running away I can feel myself getting closer and closer to just doing it . Honestly I don’t think they’d give damn anyway. Sure they say they love me, but never seem to show it.
Just once I want the man who holds my hand while I cry from pain or the kids who are wholeheartedly proud that Im not a druggie and appreciate what I do. One day will be too late and thinking I will get any different is pretty much a figment of my imagination.
2 comments:
I am so sorry. I can only understand the smallest bit. I have chronic pains but I am in no way comparing it to what you have. I will keep you in my prayers. Put your blinders on, even though those around you can not see or appreciate your struggle. You can have victory day by day. You have victory but fighting the pain with everything in you. You aren't failing by getting relief from the pain. I know there are times when you may think, I can't make it another day, another year, or another ten years. At those moments look back and see how long you have made it already. If you need to talk feel free to send me a message.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I feel like I know some of what you are going through unfortunately. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
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