6-6-12

Setting here writing this is something I thought I would never have to do at one point in my life. My dad has been gone now for 6 long years. I, as some of you know, did not have the perfect life most children have. I had an alcoholic father. I can’t count the number of times as a child where I would cry from worry. Worrying that he may fall asleep with a cigarette or fall down while drunk. I can aslo remember playing bartender at a very young age, as young as 5. Dad while in his own mind was an outstanding parent, wasn’t always so great. I think that is why it’s so hard for me to write this.

There were also some good times. Every summer we went to visit my aunt Hazel, she too liked to drink a lot. We would go to Ohio, Cedar point, or to visit his ex-wife Helen. At the age of 5 I was singing in a bar in Mansfield Ohio. The only song I knew was Elvira.

Growing up dad would also sometimes take me to work, I learned a lot about carpentry, pluming, and business. I got a job working at the vinyl siding place where dad worked when I was a teen. I got to write the contracts, and do sales.

One of the best memories I have of my dad was when I was 16, already married and needed daddy to sign a release for some records I was trying to get, he looked at me and said see you’re always daddy’s little girl no matter how grown you are.

The day my dad died on 6-6-06 I had gone to a funeral for one of my cousins on my mother’s side. While I had gone there with ill intention (I wanted to confront my abusers) I knew something wasn’t right in my mind and heart. The aunt that had abused me was there as was her children. I too had my three daughters with me. When it came time to talk to my aunt I stood firm, and told her exactly what I think of her. The only other time I have seen her was at my Uncle Glens funeral this past summer. I still felt eerie afterwards. We spent some time with my sister Connie, and the kids rode in her convertible, then she took us out for lunch. When we finally got home I saw that there were about 30 called from the nursing home where daddy was at. I called them back as I thought dad probably just wanted something. The nurse said I hate to tell you this on the phone but your dad died at 10 am…  This was one of the worst moments in my life, I broke down. Thank God Kristen was home and calmed me down. She as hurt as she was was able to hold it together. I admire her strength and how a child can be so wise and strong at that young age is beyond me she was only 11, at the time, and very close to my dad he was her angel as he always said.

Now 6 years has gone by, and it still feels like yesterday. I cant look at a photo without crying or hearing his voice. I cant help but think about how he was a drunk for over 50 years and looked at me proud and said I cant let my grand babies see me drink so I quit , and he did. Or the pride on  his face when he woke from comma and said I have been saved.

I love my daddy so much and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him..

I love you daddy…. Your little girl forever..